EPILOGUE

"Sixteenth second of Bobby Newmark's death. His hotdogger's
death.
And something leaned in, vastness unutterable, from beyond
the most distant edge of anything he'd ever known or imagined,
and touched him.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING- WHY ARE THEY DOING THAT TO YOU'
Girlvoice, brownhair, darkeyes
KILLING ME KiLLING ME GET it OFF GET it OFF
Darkeyes, desertstar, tanshirt, girlhair
BUT IT'S A TRICK, SEE? YOU ONLY THINK
IT'S GOT YOU. LOOK. NOW I FIT HERE AND
YOU AREN'T CARRYING THE LOOP."


this is from william gibson's count zero (an unbelievably good book). bobby is being killed by "ice", the security system set up by corporations to protect their information on the net. usually it just blocks the way, but this ice was different.

the point of this is, i've always felt i needed to do that, to figure out the trick and slip out of the loop. my mind has been playing a trick on me all these years, keeping me in the past. but it's only a trick. i just have to lift right there, and i can step away, stop it hurting me. i can finally do it. i'm leaving the past where it belongs. i truly want to leave it now; i haven't before. case dismissed.